The Bride Price

Picture Source: google

                                               
I saw someone's display picture, it read, I have a dream that one day to marry will be free. I'm sure I read this post three times and I kept wondering to myself, free in what sense really? that after marriage you can still gallivant and keep living like a bachelor/spinster? or free in the sense of freedom of choice where you can decide not to get married and nobody will look at you like you are an alien that must have lost its way and found itself here on planet earth? but then again, that will be restricted to some societies just like ours where marriage is seen as a mark of success and having a ring on your finger gets you more respect at society’s high table. I was just really thinking about all the different meanings the post could have, then it dawned on me that the "free"being talked about is in terms of the brideprice and other requirements neccessary to take a bride...then I laughed.



You see, In some cultures, it’s common practice to pay some amount to the bride’s family before you are allowed to marry her. These prices differ depending on various factors such as education, age, perceived beauty, her father’s standing in the society and so much more. It get’s so high in some areas that men technically avoid to marry from those areas just to avoid the high cost attached to it.

We talk about patriarchy today (and thank God it’s now being talked about) but most times it might seem as though we are treating symptoms rather than going back to the root cause of these toxic patriarchal behaviors and I believe one of them is the culture of paying bride price. I have heard some men boldly say “how can a woman I married with my own money” then follow it up with a very derogatory question or statement. I was once reading through a blog where some wives were talking about marital rape (yes, it’s a thing) and most men on that forum were of the opinion that since they paid for these women, they had the right to do with her as they please, including raping her. It’s therefore easy to focus on a man raping his wife and castigating him for all we care but the truth is that rape incident is only a symptom of a toxic culture of making the husband believe he has bought the woman to become his property by paying a bride price.

No matter how expensive we make it, the culture of paying a bride price just suggests that every woman has a price, is for sale, and will eventually become another’s property. I love our culture; the traditional weddings are always so beautiful but it’s my belief that it will be even more beautiful if we scrapped the segment allocated to the age-long bride price tradition and replace it with a short counseling session that tells the husband that the woman is priceless, not to be owned as a property and most importantly, not to be mistreated for any reason.

So like that display picture, I also dream that one day, to marry will be free....free from all cultural prejudices and every atom of toxic patriarchal traditions. Till then, I hope you marry the right person without pressure from time and society. I wish you nothing but Love and light!